Angela_Hood (angela_hood) wrote,

baby blues

sometimes i curl into a ball in bed or in the bathroom and just cry.
i cry so hard i cough.
it hurts.
i will be turning 25 this year. ever since i was a little girl ive wanted a child by 25.
this birthday will be VERY hard for me.
it hurts.
i feel like im alone in feeling like this.
like no one understands me.
it hurts.

*goes to bed to cry*
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You may want to think about looking at life in a new way. Life rarely pans out the way we imagined it as little girls. What exactly did we know or understand about life/the world then? Not everything is as easy as it is in our dreams. Life is hard. You know that. I know that that is not comforting, but it is the truth. The truth is supposed to free us, right? It frees us to live in reality. Not be deceived by people/things/ideas that stand in the way. The interesting thing about life is is that it is unpredictable. Enjoy the journey - even though it's not following *your* plan. There may be a bigger plan happening. Things happen when they're supposed to. There's no need to stress yourself or your spouse out about it. It's perfectly valid to feel disappointment that things aren't going along your idea of what life should be like, but it would be a shame to let that emotion become the focus, an obsession, and miss out on what is happening in you life at this very moment. There is something to be learned everyday about being a wife, a friend, a helpmate. Those lessons are very helpful to learn before kiddos - maybe it's just not time right this second to jump into a huge change in your lifestyle. Enjoy the freedom in you marriage without kids. Don't get me wrong, kids are great and a huge blessing/challenge. Life does change after they come, and so does your relationship with your husband. It's not all bad and it's not all good. It takes even MORE work to feel connected, united, and the sparks of romance after kids. You are still very young and have lots of time. If there are areas in your marriage to tweak, work on, firm the foundation on, then work on those. Communicate your goals to one another and be totally honest. Basically, I wouldn't dwell on what you don't have right now - those things will come - dwell on what you do have and strive to make it the best it can be. Cherish those things and have a grateful heart. -- sorry for the ramble....